v     Have I said something sarcastic to a friend or loved one recently?

v     What did I really want from our relationship in that moment?

v     What did I want the person to know about me? About my feelings or thoughts regarding something they said or did?

v     Did I want to express that I was disappointed about something or that I was feeling sad about something?

            With these considerations, can you imagine an alternative way that you might have behaved toward that person? How might you have behaved? What might you have said instead of the sarcastic comment? Write this out.

            You may want to keep certain reflections in a specially chosen box. Give this reflection a name. For instance, you can refer to this piece as “Sarcasm Check-In,” with the suggestion to yourself that the next time you feel the impulse toward a sarcastic remark toward a friend or loved one (or anyone, for that matter), remember this reflection and check in with yourself before reacting with a hurtful comment.

            Know that it is natural to have these different “shadow” voices within, so don’t judge yourself harshly. This reflective exercise and personal check in, is an example of treating yourself with a forgiving attitude. It is easy to see how, by extending an accepting yet forgiving attitude toward yourself by checking in with your innermost feelings, this attitude naturally begins to translate to your treatment of others as well. That is the beauty of how forgiveness works in the world.

• Where do I have the sense that my thoughts are coming from right now?
• Where do I have the sense that my feelings are coming from right now?
• Do I believe that I am loved?
• If I am loved, how do I know that? How and where do I feel that in my body?
• If I do not feel love or loved, how do I know that? How and where do I feel that in my body/
• Do I believe that I can feel forgiveness?
• Does forgiveness feel different than love? How and where do I know that in my body?
• Can I feel the pulse of my heart beat? How fast is it? How slow?
• When was the first time that I became aware of my heart beat? How old was I? Where did I believe that my heart beat came from?
• When was the first time that I knew that love exists?
• If I place my hand over my heart and breathe through my belly, what happens? Where does my thinking seem to come from?

Now, take a moment to reflect on your thoughts.

We record our life experiences and the interpreted meanings in our body in ways that reach back to before we could even speak, really before we even came out of the womb. If we did not have the benefit of being securely attached in our relationships with caregivers in early infancy, then life itself may have often felt unfair and overwhelming. We have adjusted in ways that have huge implications for how we hold ourselves as bodily vessels in our everyday lives.